Relationship selling 2nd edition

I feel amazing today — I got up early so i could take a long shower and really focus on being a girl instead of just rushing off to work — i feel soft and smell good and I am excited for my date with Hound tonight! OMG — I could have melted into a puddle right then and there! My ex NEVER wanted to go watch our sons play any sport — I had to drag him and half the time he would just sit in the car and leave early, if he went at all. AND — the guys i have dated since then either had horrible relationships with their kids or did not want me to meet them for reasons I understood, but.

I know, i know. FW, I knew that was coming. Because they can do relationship and marriage.. Now all the ones I knew amongst my friends and former boyfriends are, sadly, married. It is what it is. No point in denying it.

Those men that have never been married and are over, say 45…there is a reason. I date them. I see it.

Those that are divorced — mostly have baggage, and the more recent the divorce the worse it is. Not meaning to be negative here but I have dated so so so so many men in the last few years.

That is what I have come across. And I am someone who is prepared for compromises and giving men the benefit of the doubt — as you all know by now. Yet, these are my findings. If I look at it as a research project, I would present my findings as such.

Other peoples may be different. Not a belief. It feels exciting to me to think that just around the corner it is raining men. I just have to find the corner and make that turn. It might be a fantasy but it keeps me feeling excited and wondering about the possibilities. This is exactly how I feel about things that are coming my way right now!! I try. Though looking outside my neighbourhood…I have dated in three countries and found pretty similar results.

Does that mean I should date on the moon next? There is hope! Tam just trust what you want and give the rest the boot. Quite right! I received an email from another guy that lives north of me. He wanted to know if he came down for the weekend if we could hangout for the weekend. I like to go through it and read everything every few weeks — or any time I need a reminder about the Law of Attraction. I went through it just now. All of the notes to myself like this include the full name of GM.

I just sat here looking at that note and not feeling connected to it any more — it no longer serves me. I just tore that note into tiny pieces and threw it away.

I am sooooo proud of myself and so grateful to the Universe and to Hound for helping me get there. Color run next weekend!!! They thrive off of it and it gets more and more apparent over long periods of time as a pattern:. I got the glasses on my face:.

What you think about with emotion, you attract more quickly. This is the essence of the next law; the Law of Deliberate Creation. When you think about something you desire and feel excitement, energy, or joyful anticipation, this means that your vibration and its vibration are in resonance and you in the place to receive it. The Law of Deliberate Creation is the art of intentionally shifting your vibration so that you are in harmony with what you want to experience.

Click the video link below and find out how you can become a more deliberate creator. Starla, yes, agree. But: Meh. Then again, I might not. It really depends on how I feel in the moment. Thank you. I have expressed my feelings to him, more than once, he knows how I feel. Today, my feelings of frustration came out, which was unfortunate, but they needed to. And he handled it much, much better than in the past. QZ called me this morning to greet my day, like he does every weekday morning. I miss him too.

I remember I had that one visualization of if I dies in a year and one of the main things of do is have plenty of sex practice. Possibly energetically pushing away get right at a point when I felt slightly pressured sexually to give to him thru texts. Thank you, this is beautiful, and I believe this also. I believe the fact that I am authentic is in a funny way, my most attractive and most painful quality to D. I have literally no fear of D poofing. I think pigs will fly sooner than he just disappears.

I have done so much work on myself to overcome my fear of intimacy and move through my feelings, and I literally see the fruits of that all the time in my life. Our history is as follows: we were together, we adored each other. I wanted him to be with me. Yet, the official version is that we are not together. Yet he feels, if I press him on the relationship issue, that we should take a break of 6 months to get some perspective and evaluate. I went thru my old email sent and keepers folder today.

I deleted all the emails from past relationship man today. I did not even know I had them in there, as I was looking for another old email address of a friend. I had no attachment, no pang… no nothing when I saw the name. I felt gratefully detached and hence FREE.

I cant wait to get off work today. I want to do some things for ME… Funny, I used to hate to go home afterwork… empty house, nothing to do. Since this summer and the habits I set in motion, I like my ME time and actually get a bit excited about doing what ever I want to do. Basically everything between us when we are together is perfect, but he is not mine. He feels it is not wise for us to commit to each other at this stage based on our history.

He wants us to take a break. So when we spend time together it is no guarantee of him not seeing anyone else at this point.

This is the bit that is driving me crazy. I can let it go and try not to hold on to anger. But my grandma is a decent, wonderful person, who takes care of my mom and anyone else in the family who needs it. I feel so vulnerable. Last night I dreamed was with him, and 2 of his friends who think he is All That well, 1 of them does, the other I think is on to him.

I feel so soft and vulnerable and tiny in such a big world where men are so strong and violent and clueless. I noticed how, unconsciously a part of the attraction to C was that he IS so aggressive, but not with women, and I was thinking unconsciously …if I can get you to love me maybe you will protect me tears coming up here. I wish they did. At least through my dream I was able to give myself validation.

I liked the feeling of feeling used, it felt familiar, it felt like love, it made me feel wanted and valuable, until I began to understand the cost.

My mom had a daycare in our house when I was growing up. My boss figured she was nuts. Indigo — 52 — ah yes fears. She got jealous and selfish instead, even though I made it clear I was very uncomfortable being touched like that. I never went back to their house again. But my therapist assures me that my mom is probably the last person who would ever kill herself, because of her selfish nature and constant need to be validated.

Indigo there are different things that as humans we are addicted to. Anxiety, anger, fear just to name a few. They give us a kind of adrenaline high and keep our stress levels. Anxiety can be something to use to ask yourself how could I channel my creative energies? Can you respect his wish as a man and as human being who knows what he wants for his life?

This is desperate, clingy, needy vibe that he is likely feeling no matter what your words are saying. This is a huge indication that the relationship dance is off kilter. How is this fear helping you? What does it distract you from dealing with?

Did it occur to you that he has already decided to take the break? Regardless of whether you are in his face or not? I feel in agreement this is a huge red flag. Instead of choosing new conscious aware healthy true compatible soul based love. Heres the update.

So, it turns out that he actually had a huge talk with the woman he has been with for 10 years they are not together officially since last year, but still live in the same house with kiddos Anyway — they started talking about the actual split house, etc.

I didnt ask — I thought that would be way too much leaning forward. Anyway — Tuesday night he texted me like I said about my kiddos being sick very sweet, but not a long text interchange.

We talked twice on the phone for about an hour each — he called both times — this is at work. It was nice. Just good to talk to him. But nothing romantic or gushy. To be honest, he is NEVER romantic or gushy on the phone or on texts — just in person — I never get anything flirty in emails etc. Anyway — I guess now thinking about that I would like that.

I have told him that I like flirty talk but he has never done that for me really oh well. Anyway — last night, I got no texts from him. He knows that my kiddo is sick and I did not hear from him — that upset me. Then it upset me that he knows I want to tell him this big story about my divorce and attornies etc.

He did tell me I could text him, but I dont like texting first — I just dont. I have done it before, and he always answers right away, but i just dont really like calling or texting first. Today at work I was late because of an appt. I had. He called me at but I didnt answer. I just didnt feel like it. I dont know if I was trying to punish him or be a little less available? I dont know. Anyway — I called about 45 min later and he said he just wanted to see if I was in today since he didnt see that I was here.

And we chatted for about 45 min. Then we went to work out together. I think that there are people that are so clueless about who they are in the world and sometimes it is just better to walk away from those people.

I am worth having good friends that cherish and adore me and am taking a stand for that. My mother was awful. I am still terrified to go to the dentist. I will never get that fear out of my mind. It was sick. Also sexual abuse from one doctor.

Anyway—when she got older and needed me to go down there and take care of her, I learned from her doctors that she had narcissistic personality disorder. That explained a LOT. So I foolishly asked if I could go home for Christmas that year. I did go down there and take care of her and eventually moved her up here, with me until she died. No matter how awful she was to me, I had to help her.

It was the right thing to do. Like your mother should be helping your grandmother. I struggled with this for a LONG time. AND, she left me nothing in her will. I was very hurt.

I picked myself up from my desk and went across the street to buy a salad. Keep it up and hang in there! Sorry for going on about my mother…very negative, I know. Indigo, I met with Dominique yesterday and she said that I have changed my vibe greatly.

Fear and anxiety can be felt by others which I never really thought about or realized. I feel so much better since getting it under control. Part of it was that I needed to figure out why I was feeling that way. The other was doing more of the things which I like to do. I think of hugging him or smiling at him.

I also see this as a thought. A judgement. I see it as possibility of roles people play with each. Also reflecting back possible behavior so I am wondering if the steps are changed if the other person would?

You are learning from the pain, acknowledging it, and offering perspective to someone hurting in the process. The last guy just dumped me abruptly for another woman, and the previous guy did the same thing but not for another woman. In both cases, I thought I had these guys wrapped around my finger and kinda took them for granted a little. What do I do in the next relationship? How can we strike the balance between expressing ourselves too much vs.

Walking, hanging out in bookstores, having a picnic in a park can all be fun, romantic ways to get close to a man. My whole childhood all I heard was how awful I was. An ungrateful little b! Mostly what I feel is relief. She was a sick woman. MyGuy was one that really had a need to be scolded. I feel uncomfortable. I want to be more like you in this department. I could use some insight here. I have told him that talking about our separate dates makes me feel weird.

Horrible, even. Am I wrong here? I just asked warriorcd for help with something only he could help me with, and he said he still really wants me and likes me. I do feel bad for making him sad. And shocked. Cuz he is soooo hot and a great catch. But not for me. Newf, is the tirade on the phone or in a chat?

It is a good day to be a girl! If something feels weird then it probably is. But its usually right. This was in email. His reply was rather childish fine — we have nothing to discuss , but I did not respond. Liquid Light, I remember there was a few days where I was sooo upset to my stomach and anxious and vomiting after QZ and I broke up.

I ignored my gut for many months, and one day my gut, ignored, grew so strong that I found myself dialing QZ after 8 months of silence, before I could even think about what I was doing or stop myself.

And it turned out I was totally right. He did want to be with me, he felt like he screwed it up way too bad to ever contact me again and if he did it would just be selfish of him and upset me, and he has stepped up every single day since our first reunion meeting in December. They always seem to feel like sharing this stuff though.

OMG, Starla, that is so sweet!!! Thanks for sharing that beautiful and amazing story!!! I often fear I will end up with a closet pervertcriminal. I feel a lot of love for myself, though. And I get it. I was raised by someone who is deceitful and dangerous. Thanks for your honesty in posting it! Starla, should I just move on? I found out last night that his wife who died of cancer was actually a strong woman.

I wish he could have let me be more strong. He was always trying to force me and dominate me. Liquid Light — — Why assume that this will be so First that he would have such fantasies, and secondly that he would be inconsiderate to your feelings if he did.

Starla — — Wow I had no idea — thank you for saying so. I feel honored to have helped you. And as for crazy, not based in anything which holds water thoughts — I think we all have had them. I certainly have. And they can still pop up now and then, yet the difference now is that I can immediately or almost so, recognize them for what they are, even laugh at them.

If I got to this place, anyone can. Not sure why I think this is funny but I do. I was chatting with a potential CD. He asked me if I wanted a relationship. I responded that I did not want an exclusive relationship at this time. Weird, because if K asked me to be exclusive with him, it would be an immediate yes.

OK — first off, for the first 3 months we held hands. Nothing more because of our situations, I am still married getting divorced etc.

But she says the fact that I am always there for him, bring him treats, etc. He has said he respects me, as a mom, etc. He always goes out of his way to say that he appreciates thats his word everything that I do for him. He loves me — I know that. Is it possible that even though I am there for him, that because I am he doesnt respect me? I guess I dont want to always be at his call, and I do always answer his texts and phone messages, but he always answers mine too.

Should I pull back? Last Sept. I said fine — go and think or wahtever you need. I didnt answer texts, I did my own thing. Then after a month, I finally said — look, I want to be with you — but I am not going to pretend that we dont love each other.

We do love each other and if you want to still act like we are friends and close, then in order to have that I need to feel like we are not just friends, meaning, you need to kiss me, and be close to me, and touch me and hold me.

He immediately changed because he knew he would lose me, and I guess he didnt want to — that was last Sept. We have had an awesome month this month ironically. He was really there for me several times emotionally. He got me a super sweet gift for christmas which he hasnever done before for anyone. He calls texts and lets me know that he is there for me…. But once in a while, he tunes out — like last weekend was a three day weekend and I didnt hear from him.

But this week, he has been ok….. I understand Liquid Light, and maybe you need some time and distance from that relationship, yet please know that not all men are like this.

Actually most are not. Elsie — How about taking all of this anxious, stressed out energy away from him, and immersing yourself in YOU instead? I feel pressure from you reading this. He must feel this too. I just read ur story elise…I think ur puttin a lot of energy into someone who still lives with a Ex of ten years…… I agree with whoever just said u need to focus more of that energy on U!!

My last relationship I was in was a long one almost 9years no kids but we did live together the whole time……we broke up mutally and were friends and are still friends today! They live together but are not together. I know her as well. She makes it very clear that they are not together as well. She goes on dates with other guys — they cant even stand to be in the same room as each other. Everyone knows this — we all know both of them, it is not a secret. My soon to be ex moved out a few months ago so it is easier for him to come to me, etc.

And I know I should put this energy to myself but I just cant seem to right now. What boundaries do you have about this? How much notice do you like? A week? Two days? Are you waiting around for him? As an observer Elsie, it appears that you you are making him the center of your universe and your life waiting around for him to make plans and putting your life on hold.. Do you think that is now what is happening.

If that is the case, I feel sure we all know what an awful place that is to be in. Elsie — If he asks to come over and you want to see him, then you say yes. Annie — thanks for answering.

They are working on the logistics, as am I with my situation. I am not officially divorced yet. Its A LONG and complicated story but the bottom line is we are both working towards what we need to do is best for our children in all cases. It just takes time, etc. In the meantime, we love each other and see each other when we can. I have told him do not leave for me because who knows if we will be together in the end.

He said he is leaving because he doesnt want to be with her. Thats a good thing. He has given me no indication that anything is wrong or bad, etc. In fact he surprised me last Friday and was really sweet. I dont want to. At all. I never meant to even fall in love with him. I just want to focus on getting divorced. The thing with him just happened for both of us — it hit us out of the blue honestly. I have no desire at all to date anyone else. AT all.

I know I need to feel secure without reassurance from someone else. I dont know why I need that constant reassurance. Probably because I didnt get it from my parents or my husband. I just cant. I get scared that everything is not ok — even though it always is with him. I just want to be reassured. As Roro says Dominique. If he is he does. Dominique — well, I want to see him. My situation is a bit different since my soon to be ex is out of the house.

So he comes over here. I just feel anxious when I dont get those texts. I think its the reassurance thing. I just NEED it to make sure everything is ok — which is probably is.

Yes, I am making him the center of my life because I dont know how to make those good feelings of security happen any other way. I dont want to make him my world. I am actually very highly educated have a doctorate and am physically fit etc. Its just that it feels so good to be loved. For who I am. I just want it more. The amount of contact that feels good to us and we each need is individual to us. So what you need, want and is healthy for you is what it is.

And will be different to another woman. What amount of contact do you want and need? What would feel best to you, so you felt more secure? Annie — I guess that means do things for myself? Well, I could but again, it doesnt give the same feeling to me that I crave — does that make sense?

Does that make sense? Hugs X. Elsie — Respect comes first in respecting yourself, taking the very best care of you in all ways. When you can get to a place where your life is full up with people you love to be with, activities which make you passionate or at least feel fun and fulfilling to you, much of this anxiety and the clinging energy will disappear or at least greatly diminish.

Annie — I might respectfully disagree. I think that I am pretty needy right now and I dont think its healthy to make someone else be so responsible for my happiness.

I guess that I have a hard time letting someone else just have some space even though that is totally normal I think for many people.

My need to be reassured is from issues that stem from my parents and soon to be ex husband. So, I think I need to work on it. Im just wanting to work on it — and be reassured LOL — I just want it all. Cant he be just like me exactly and know what I want when I want it exaclty how I want it and then give it to me at that exact instant?

Yes it makes it makes perfect sense Elsie. I believe we have all been there. He is not your soul source of happiness. I need another one right away. Thats not healthy or normal. I received a call from one that I was hoping would contact me. Feels weird to be excited as I do have deep feelings for K. But, I might as well have fun, right? You get here little bit by little bit. Awareness is key, and you are gaining it. Be gentle and patient with yourself.

You will get there because you want to. Elsie I am with Dominique on this. I am also wondering if the stress of your divorce and keeping the relationship a secret from the kids is playing into your anxiety. Do you believe you are not respecting yourself by going abouit seeing him this way, also while you are still married? I would really check out my NVs as your words have not yet pinpointed disrespectfyul actions.

Elsie, here is the key. X You do not need anyone elses reassurance, approval etc. And yes this need comes from your needs when you were a child not being met. NONE of his actions have been disrespectful. You are right on — thank you Feminine Woman. None have been disrespectful at all. He has never said he was going to call and didnt.

He has never lied to me — ever in over a decade. He has never not kept a promise. He is respectful of me. I dont know….. Being there for him all the time does not necessarily translate into him lovking you.

Are you doint thst to kinda buy his love and because he missed a few days contact you feel he owes you something? I would check myself to see if I give to control. For a man to call twice a week is actually a lot for them. K calls me twice a week, even after he said he just wants to be friends. I do understand your concern that he is taking you for granted. Sometimes I will let him go to voicemail. I always call him back. People treat us how we allow them to. It all boils down to if that is a deal breaker for you.

I think he knows I would like more contact. He has never ever said he would and didnt. But I dont ask either because I dont want to pressure him. Also, I just read Dominiques article on expectations.

I think I do have huge expectations as to what he should do etc. My goodness its powerful. My logical head says I need to tuck my crazy voice back in, but I just cant seem to do it and find the calmness and strength I need…. Elsie there is nothing wrong with wanting what you want. There is nothing wrong with wanting daily contact re phone calls etc for instance if that is what you require to feel connected and good. The right man for you will want to. That is very true about how good this new edition of the book is, especially how easy it is to have on you all the time- I was able to download it to my ipod…so of coouuurse I have it with me easy to read — you can also make notes and highlight passages right there!

I tried printing the last version out, but it didnt quite work… THIS version is perfect! I feel so much release in getting to know and releasing the parts of myself that have gotten all tangled up over the years.

I can feel my insides changing. Just tell him NO. With my prior cd who saw me once a week mostly and never called I expressed it would feel wonderful to see him more often. I said I missed him- with a big smile, I said these 2 sentences and then changed the subject. He smiled and kissed me but he did nothing. Please please learn from my mistakes. I feel turned on by that guy. It feels suspicious to me and gives me thoughts that my turn on feeling comes from a toxic place, and I can feel a tendency to physically lean forward closer to him when he is standing by, and that makes me feel like a chaser, not a prize.

I also feel disturbed and guilty to feel turned on by other guys while being married. It would feel so good not to feel guilty about this. Guilt must be a sign that there is beating up going on inside me. Rory does not allow me to beat myself up.

So — I love my guilt. I love my feelings. I love my sadness and frustration. I love my feeling pisst. I love my toxic part!!! Actually I am so great for doing it all about me and my feelings and for feeling through it! And for getting to know myself better and better… I feel so grateful to myself for making me feel so accepted by myself. And for being so daring. Which makes the whole situation a good chance for me to practice to consciously choose to be and feel like a prize!

And you have got it absolutely right. Bravo to you, and we are all behind you. Like I said, I think a session for me would do me the world of good.

Will try and organise it soon. One CD has been texting me since yesterday. The good news is that the fear has much less of a hold on me than it used to. I am able to release it after a bit of work. You are of course right about not directing this energy at him but channelling it to something else. It feels calming. One way or another, I know I need to respect his wishes, and I am going to do my level best to get there.

Your words are very true. I deeply want to respect his wish for us to take a break. I think what you say about, in his mind, he has already decided to take the break, is very insightful. I want to give him the space, and I want to respect his wishes in this way. The cding does help. Two have offered their cell numbers for me to text them. I only saw my husband a few times today, just because of my schedule work… and in the few moments I did see him, he is just so distant and withdrawn… part of my beneath the numbness is so much anger..

I started with another feeling message…and after awhile he just said I dont feel like talking. I feel just so much anger at him… and I pretty much let him have it hte rest of the way home.

I feel like I am somtimes living in a box lined in spikesand glass… because no one cares what I feel or what I want. I dont like being put aside like that. Sirens it feels such an internal battle and struggle within myself to get up early in a morning. Even with 7 hours sleep. Any helpful suggestions? Smile — maybe you are just not a morning person? I love getting up early. Also, when there are windows to let in the light :.

Did I mention already that I felt a little bit sad to move out if the house? It was weird. Unpleasant a place as it was, it was still a place that I had been moving into.

And things happened there. Good things. Yes, also the challenging ones. But still, it was bad. It makes me feel as if there is a steel vice around my brain. My heart geeks hollow and empty. What is the point of going for anything in my life that I really want? And why bother, since who I am is of no consequence anyway.

These are the thoughts that follow, after thinking of how my parents have responded to my situation — even when I told my mom that the man tried to use as his sex slave. Am I the one being selfish here? Smile — maybe try 6.

I think it has to do with the length of our sleep cycles, and where you are in the cycle when you wake up. Try it and see what happens! Yesterday, I was telling an ex-work colleague how happy I am in my new job.

At the moment I have been heavily involved in a great project but when I got home yesterday evening my line manager who I barely ever see had written me an email demanding I need to come back to the office and tell all my colleagues what I am working on. I think I am upset because of the way she spoke to me. I always said to myself that I should take things a step at a time, no-one owes me anything and if it goes wrong it goes wrong. Yay to Go Memulo. And trying to tell yourself you are wrong for wanting what you want.

The right man for you will step up and want to give you the type of relationship you want. There is targeting Mr Right. Commitment blueprint. Roris new e book. Love scripts. So much that is available to help you.

At the moment Elsie, you are focusing and centering your attention on this one individual man. Who at the moment is not all that and is not meeting you needs for the contact and communication you want. Which felt surprising and good …. And sexual pleasure is taking a high n higher priority in my life and relationship desires right now.

I love my fear. I love my feeling of want to run away and hide and bury my face in my pillow and hope it will ALL go away.. He put his head down n I rubbed it, and i was like why does it make Me feel tingly to touch Your head!

Then it will influence your mood. This takes me to a better feeling place. Likely angry. Sad abd scared. This is unimportant. Are you with me here? This is awesome! This is an awesome feeling message. Say it Out Loud to yourself about the situation. Does this belief keep us safe? What are some things that would feel Good that would be different?

Poor girl… Be very very careful not to apologize for yourself. It will lift you up everytime you remember not to. So do you mind being a drama queen? Pretend you love being a drama queen because — ironically n magically — if made men like you. What would you say to them then? What would your most drama queen be if you knew you were safe and each time men — and women — liked you more? Oh it Does feel so good to give up control n know that big last loves you and will take care of you.

I appreciate that as I get stronger and enjoy my time not in the struggle strengthening even more bec of my strength. I love my intensity I love my desire to move n struggle n grown n push n it wd feel so good if I was doing workouts.

I also battle with 7 hours of sleep. Includes index. Data mining. Marketing—Data processing. Business—Data processing. Linoff, Gordon. B47 Without your patience and understanding, this book would not have been possible.

Grazie per essere paziente con me. Ti amo. There are also clients with whom we work so closely that we consider them our colleagues as well: Harrison Sohmer and Stuart E. Ward, III are in that cat- egory. Lauren McCann, a graduate student at M. We would also like to acknowledge all of the people we have worked with in scores of data mining engagements over the years. We have learned some- thing from every one of them.

Berry and Gordon S. Linoff are well known in the data mining field. They have jointly authored three influential and widely read books on data mining that have been translated into many languages.